It’s a quite fascinating idea when you think about it: Sink or swim. Are you going to be on the bottom or the top? Fail or succeed? Wimp out or (wo)man up? Defeat or be defeated?
Sometimes it takes those two drastic and opposing ideas to really make you realize what you are capable of doing.
It can obviously apply to a lot of the things you encounter in life (career, marriage, divorce, having children, uprooting your life, etc) but for time’s sake, I’m going to apply it to running today – just because it works!
Although I like to call myself a runner, I haven’t been one lately. I put it on the back burner and hope that the fire will spark itself. I say I want to run more, but when the act of doing comes into play, I back out.
Brittany wrote a brilliant post on the ‘hats’ we wear (which aren’t actual hats at all, but the different roles we play when we put on these invisible hats), and how it’s ok to wear no hats at times and just be yourself.
Sometimes I don’t even know what ‘myself’ means anymore. I haven’t spent a single night away from Nia since she was born. I literally never leave her side, even more so now that I don’t have school to go to for a couple of hours. And, I don’t know what it feels like to not be worrying about a little person all-day, everyday.
Running was the only (little) sanity I could give myself and forget about all those things; take my hats off, per se! So why was I taking that enjoyment away from myself?
Oh ya, sink or swim.
If I wasn’t feeling 100% (aka tired, hungry, not in the ‘mood’ to run), then I wouldn’t want to do it. Because hey, after not running consistently for months, one should head out only feeling 100%. (I know, I make the absolute worst and irrational decisions sometimes.) I was sinking.
But then yesterday, I decided to swim.
I deserved a few free minutes to myself to enjoy doing something I love.
I needed a break from Nia just as much as she needed a break from me.
I decided to not feel guilty, or that I should have been doing something else (like making dinner instead of ordering take-out like we did), and just focused on me.
Running is really more of a mental game more than anything, which is so apparent when I caught myself thinking about irrelevant life stuff that I thankfully was able to force out of my mind! This was my time to just be. To not think. To be free. To swim.
Because it’s all about the perspective you put on sinking and swimming. Your choice to swim (whatever you apply it to) is often enough to succeed. Even if it is only for a 4.5 mile run.
Question: What is a moment you vividly remember where you decided to swim?